Depression is one of life's most challenging experiences.
I've had three major depressive episodes and I am constantly taking proactive steps on a daily basis to try not to slip into another one (although science isn't totally clear about how much control we have over this).
When I think about anxiety, I picture energy building and building until it eventually pops (maybe as a panic attack or an emotional outburst) or maybe it hums beneath the surface at an uncomfortable, yet manageable level.
But depression never pops. It can be a very scary place because the darkness keeps getting darker and darker. Your energy and motivation can get less and less. You can be in bed for 3 hours a day, then 10, then 24.
I don’t say this to scare you, but to highlight why working with depression requires conscious action. It demands that you take proactive steps, often at a time when that’s the absolute last thing you want to do.
Here are five things you can do right now to cope with depression and keep moving forward.
1. Be mindful of your thoughts
When you're prone to depression or in a depressive episode, your thoughts naturally become more negative. It’s like looking at the world through a darker, duller lens. One with less shimmer, less hope.
👉 It’s important to recognize, name, and label your experience: “I’m struggling with depression, so my thoughts are likely more negative and slightly skewed right now.”
Our brains love to present thoughts as facts. But those thoughts might not serve you or even be true.
You can honor the emotions behind your thoughts (more on that in Tip 4), but believing the thoughts themselves can feed your depression and keep you stuck.
Try to catch yourself when you’re spiraling:
Are you catastrophizing?
Are you worrying about the future?
Are you taking things personally?
Are you engaging in negative self-talk?
It may feel like you’ll be stuck here forever, that there’s no hope, or that nothing will ever feel fun again. But these thoughts are often distorted and fear-based. You don’t have to believe them.
When these types of thoughts become the automatic script in your head, you’re enforcing a story that can perpetuate your depression and keep you stuck.
2. Take opposite action
Opposite action is a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill that encourages you to act in opposition to your emotional urges.
For instance:
Depression has a slow, heavy energy. Opposite action would be choosing to do something light and energizing.
Depression makes you want to isolate. Opposite action would be reaching out to someone.
Depression creates tunnel vision. Opposite action would be doing something that broadens your perspective and zooms out your lens.
A while back, I had a day where I felt completely glued to my bed. I thought about opposite actions I could take and remembered I still had about 100 thank-you notes to write from my wedding. 😱
This seemed like the perfect opposite action. It was small and manageable, but it required me to give, express gratitude, and connect with people. And it worked.
Opposite action doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. It’s simply choosing to do something other than what depression wants.
Some ideas:
Send a quick check-in text to a friend
Go for a short walk
Sit in a coffee shop and people-watch to feel connected to humanity
Drive around with your favorite music blasting
Write a love note to someone you care about
Move your body, even just stretching or dancing/jumping in your living room
3. Do things you used to enjoy
When you’re depressed, nothing sounds good.
I hear it all the time—from clients, from myself: “I don’t want to do that. It doesn’t sound fun. I won’t enjoy it.”
Maybe you won’t.
But the point isn’t to do something that sounds good right now.
The point is to keep living your life so that depression doesn’t pull you under.
When nothing sounds good, ask yourself:
👉 “What did I used to enjoy?” “What used to bring me joy?” (Even if it was months or years ago.)
Dancing?
Baking?
Watching The Office?
Going on road trips?
Doing art projects?
Horseback riding?
DO THAT.
Try not to get discouraged if it doesn’t feel as fun as you remember. That’s the depression talking. It’s trying to convince you that joy isn’t possible.
But these activities are your lifelines. They keep you tethered to life, even when you don’t feel like participating in it.
4. Spend time with your feelings
In Buddhism, there’s a teaching about the first and second arrows:
🏹 The first arrow represents the inevitable pain of life. You can’t avoid it.
🏹 The second arrow represents suffering. This is the story about the pain—the interpretation, the self-judgment, the fear. The second arrow is optional; you don’t have to endure suffering.
I encourage you to sit with your first-arrow feelings—the sadness, grief, loneliness. Honor them. Let them exist.
But be mindful of the thoughts that trigger a second arrow:
You feel sadness (first arrow) → You think, “This will last forever” → Then you feel fear (second arrow)
You feel grief (first arrow) → You think, “My life is doomed” → Then you feel hopeless (second arrow)
You feel pain (first arrow) → You think, “Bad things always happen to me” → Then you feel anger (second arrow)
Try to stay with the first emotion without layering on a second-arrow that amplifies your suffering.
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel down. But you don’t have to turn that pain into a story that keeps you stuck.
5. Seek professional help
Please. Therapy is irreplaceable.
This isn’t a plug for me, because I’m not a substitute for therapy. Coaching isn’t therapy.
Therapy gives you:
A consistent human connection that gets you out of bed
A space to show up and be seen
Someone to help you notice negative thought patterns
Accountability to take opposite action
Support in exploring joy, even when it feels impossible
A safe place to process emotions that may feel too scary to handle alone
If you’re struggling, please reach out. You don’t have to do this alone.
Here are a few starting places:
Shameless plug for my husband who is a licensed therapist in Alaska, California, Delaware, Maryland, New Mexico, New York, and South Carolina!
Psychology Today has a database of therapists that you can filter by different criteria.
Inclusive therapists is another online database of therapists who specifically market themselves as being inclusive.
Alma is another therapist directory that filters by your insurance and makes it super easy to set up your initial consultation with a therapist.
One step at a time
Depression is hard. It takes so much from you. Your energy, your motivation, your sense of self. But even in the darkest moments, you still have options.
Small steps, tiny shifts, and moments of connection can help keep you moving forward, even when you don’t feel like it.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are not destined to feel this way forever.
If nothing else, I hope you take one thing from this post: You are worth fighting for. Even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t believe it yet.
And if you need support, please reach out. There are people who care about you and want to help. ❤️